Category Archives: Family

The Last Weekend by my Sister, Emily S. McIllwain

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***Over the years, my parents and I have written about my brother, Daniel. Now it’s my sister’s turn. I’m so happy to share with you her heart and experience. Today marks 14 years without him. I cannot believe it has been that long. Oh we miss him dearly.***

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Have you felt the tug of the Spirit, nudging you as only The One Who Created You could – as if a string was tied from inside your soul to an unidentified outward location? Have you heard the silent whisper of His voice, beckoning to you to go this way or that, to make one choice or the other? There was a time in my life when I was not really listening…no, I was having too much fun living for myself. But I will thank God for the rest of my days for not giving up on me, for not going silent, and for His persistence one autumn day in particular, for carrying out one very special plan.

I was in my second year of law school at the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville, and clerking for a large firm (large by Arkansas standards, anyway). I was also in a long distance relationship with my now-husband, Jonathan, and most weekends were spent traveling the hour-and-a-half distance to visit him (or vice versa) in his hometown, Russellville, Arkansas.

On that particular Friday in October, the managing partner of the firm – a.k.a. my boss – asked me to deliver a document to a town located halfway between Fayetteville and my hometown of Harrison. I had already planned a little road trip across the state for the weekend, driving to Russellville before heading to see my sister perform in a play in Jonesboro, on the east side of the state. With this new assignment, I decided instead to go through Harrison first. That is when I gave my brother a call.

Let me tell you a little bit about my big brother, Daniel Matthew Sprott. He was born on July 12, 1977, at Doctors Hospital in Little Rock, a short drive from where we lived in Brinkley. He was the firstborn in my family, and my parents were over-the-moon excited to become parents. There were no signs of problems during the pregnancy, but he suffered a skull fracture during birth and was immediately taken to a different hospital. The fracture was an early indicator of a rare medical condition.

He was a medical mystery, surviving, by his own count, “30 plus” surgeries. He could walk short distances but mostly used one crutch or his Quickie wheelchair. Doctors made surgical attempts to straighten his legs, but none significantly helped. There is a picture of the two of us after one of those surgeries; in it he is in his wheelchair, legs straight out in front of him in full casts, a big grin on his face, smiling down at me – a baby of about 6 months old – laying happily between his broken legs.

That was him: Daniel had the best attitude. I honestly cannot remember him ever complaining about the hand he was dealt. Now, do I remember him complaining about me being in his way in front of the television, or about me being an annoying little sister? Sure! But never once did I hear him play the victim.

He was always making people laugh, and people in Brinkley and then Harrison – where we moved when he was in the 4th grade – loved him, accepted him, and treated him no differently than they would anyone else. It was when we traveled out of town that I noticed a difference. Even as a young child, I can recall situations where kids would say something about “that weird looking boy”, like “what is wrong with him?” It hurt me to my core. He would smile back at the little kids who stared, oftentimes making a funny face at them to get them to relax and understand that he was not some sort of monster.

As he got older, the physical pain he endured was perhaps joined by emotional pain, as his friends started getting married, having children, advancing their careers, etc… He had a good job – working at our dad’s small law practice – and had countless friends. In fact, Daniel was the best man in several weddings and godfather of many children. Looking back, I see how he was also in a state of physical decline. Were we in denial? Were we in such a state of self-centered oblivion that we failed to even notice? Or were we to realize from the very beginning that he was an extra-special, unique gift from our God the Creator, and that each and every day we had with him was a treasure? Looking back, I know the answer.

On that gorgeous fall day in October 2006, the start of a weekend that I had high hopes for, I felt a tug, and I called my brother. He was not working that afternoon; my parents were in South Carolina under obligation of my father’s role as President of the Arkansas Bar Association. I could tell that Daniel was on the computer when he answered. I boldly told him my plan, and asked him to pack a bag and be ready for me in about an hour and a half. He was not used to taking orders from his little sister, five years his junior. (He was, in fact, used to taking orders from his other little sister, Sarah, only 13 months his junior and of a much more dominant personality-type!)

As I alluded earlier, I was not exactly listening to or living for the Lord much back then. I had just turned 23 and was completely occupied with law school and the roller-coaster ride of a long distance romance. The fact that I was even willing to drive out of my way to pick him up shows divine intervention! It could not have been anything other than the Holy Spirit that spoke through me, and when Daniel came up with a few excuses as to why he could not go, I knew I could not take no for an answer. I stood my ground and said “We are going to do this. We are going to go watch our sister perform a big role on the stage together. You are coming with me and that is that!”  He finally gave in but only after he negotiated one bribe: Before I picked him up, I must go through Kentucky Fried Chicken and get him three Chicken Snacker Sandwiches.  My goodness he was a hoot!

Thus began the weekend I will never forget.  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

F R I D A Y

I completed my simple job delivery, then drove the winding scenic road I had traveled hundreds of times – U.S. 412 – to my hometown. I obligingly drove through K.F.C. before heading to the home my family had moved into nearly twenty years prior. I found Daniel downstairs, grumbling a little but mostly in good spirits with a little bitty overnight bag he had packed, ready to go. He was a little concerned about Annabelle Lee (“Annie”), our black Labrador Retriever we had given my dad when I was in the 10th grade. My parents had left Daniel in charge of her, so his concern was valid. I was on a mission; there was only one option: “Let’s get her in the Jeep then.” We all piled into “Hogger” – my red 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee – and headed down Scenic 7 South toward Russellville.

Jonathan had only recently moved back to his hometown after graduating with his MBA from the U of A, so he happened to be living with his parents at the time. There were countless parts of this journey that I consider special, but this first stop was priceless. My future in-laws spent time with and got to know Daniel that weekend. Jonathan, who I would marry less than two years later, spent quality time with him. Here is another sweet memory I have from that night and another example of Daniel’s giant heart: my in-laws do not particularly love dogs, so Annie stayed outside in the yard in a kennel far from the house. Annie was mainly an indoor dog at this point, so Daniel stayed out there with her a long time to comfort her and make her feel safe, and loved.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

S A T U R D A Y

The next morning, we left Russellville for Jonesboro. That meant we would be driving through Conway. Growing up, one of my brother’s best friends was our cousin Adam. His sister Laura lives close to Conway and has a horse farm and barn animals. Daniel, in his easy-going, slow-paced way, asked if we could stop and see if she was home. He was never in a hurry to get anywhere! It exasperated us all at times, but what a great way to live! I again felt that prodding from the inside, and Instead of worrying about the clock, agreed that it was a great idea. She was delighted to see us – especially delighted to see Daniel – and even let me ride one of her beloved horses!  

While I was riding, Daniel took some pictures with his flip phone (this was one year before the iPhone took over). I remember how he smiled, watching me ride, even though it was something he was not able to do. I remember thinking about how I was being selfish; he probably was not having any fun just watching. But that was the thing that made Daniel special; he was always content, no matter the circumstances. Maybe it was because of his circumstances, but he had a mental fortitude unrivaled.  

We left our cousin’s house happy and with sun-kissed cheeks. The Tour of Daniel’s Goodbye had one final leg: Jonesboro.  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

My sister Sarah is only 13 months younger than Daniel; they were practically twins! He was always so proud of her, and then of me too when I came along four years after Sarah. She and her husband have three beautiful babies, and the youngest is Daniel’s namesake.  In October 2006, they had been married four years and had recently suffered a miscarriage. Our hearts were particularly tender toward her at that time.  

Daniel requested that we get to Jonesboro in time to get her some flowers before her play. Since neither of us knew any better – or knew the town of Jonesboro any better! – we ended up at a Walgreens. We managed to find some type of flowers there and lucky for us also some gummy worms, which we both shared an affinity for.  

By this point, I did have to rush him along a bit because it was almost time for the show to begin! Sarah had saved us two center seats on the very front row of the Forum Theater in downtown Jonesboro. Sarah was playing Shelby in Steel Magnolias! She had minored in drama in college and this was her second lead role in the community theatre.

Daniel and I were mesmerized the entire show – I remember looking over at him and I could see on his flip phone that he was texting Sarah-something about being “fallible”, which is embarrassing to admit, but I had to look up the definition later (he was always surprising me with his wit and wisdom!). She showed me later what the text had said: “Who are you and what did you do with my fallible sister?” He had also configured a rose on that text. What a sweet comment from a proud big brother. I do believe he even wiped a tear or two during the show. That is how proud he was of her.

I love the memory of us sitting on the front row of that little old theatre watching Sarah do what she loves. To this day, when I see, hear or say the word “fallible/infallible”, I think of my big brother, and how he taught it to me. He taught me so, so much.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I love my brother-in-law, but it just so happens that he was out of town that weekend, so it was just the three of us. We had the time of our lives. We listened to music, Sarah and I danced, and the three of us talked late into the night. I remember a conversation Daniel and I had outside that night on their back deck. For some reason, I had been questioning if he still believed. Because of that conversation, I know that he is in heaven with Jesus His Savior. His, Yours, and Mine. What a gift. What a comfort that was to ponder after his death…knowing that it was not really the end. We would see him again.  

Also that night, Sarah and I – separately, without the other even knowing! – watched him sleep, which is something we would not normally do. God took our hands and led us into the room where he was sleeping, and told us to look at him, because He knew that the next time we would look at him like that, he would not wake up. That is just jaw-dropping to me still to think about, because what a crazy-stalker-strange thing to do! Who does that? And why? If not for God leading us to do it, stirring our hearts to feel the need, the impulse to do this otherwise abnormal thing, we would not have that memory of his peaceful, restful sleep. That memory of his face, his body, his hands, in restful slumber. Thank you, Lord.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

S U N D A Y

Sundays. A day of the week that looking back to my college and law school years feels dreary and sad. There are several reasons for this. Perhaps because it signified the end of the weekend and the beginning of the school week, which then meant long classes and endless quizzes, essays and exams. Perhaps because I had stayed up way too late the night before at a sorority/fraternity function. Or maybe, perhaps, because at that point in my life I was not in the joy-giving habit of Sunday-morning church-going, a habit I was raised with and knew deep down was best for my soul.

That Sunday was the dreariest of all. Not atmospherically, though I have no recollection of the weather at all that day (of course it IS a gray day when I picture it all in my mind). I dropped him off, at the home we all grew up in. The house was empty and dark because my parents would not return from their trip until the following day. I watched him get into his wheelchair down by the basement door. He turned around and waved goodbye, giving me a toothless grin before I drove off down the alley and then back to Fayetteville. I will never forget that image…and I hope I never do.

Life resumed to what was normal back then. Busy and hectic, but otherwise, we had a carefree, painless existence.

Four days later, on Thursday, October 19, 2006, my Daddy called at 8:01 a.m. to tell me that Daniel passed away in his sleep; his heart had stopped beating sometime in the night. He was 29 years old.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It took me a few days, but the realization of how, and when, and that that trip miraculously came to be slowly encompassed my being like the hand of God holding me. With that realization came a peace to fight any doubt that may exist, of knowing that God is with us, guiding us, and that we must listen when He calls.

After fourteen years without my brother, God is still revealing the beautiful, loving ways He prepared and held us before, during, and after that weekend. God orchestrated the entire trip. He had me take Daniel on somewhat of a farewell tour, to see people who had been a big part of his past, and to see people who would mean a lot to his family in the future. He worked it out where everyone could say goodbye to him: it was one last time for every one to be blessed by him and by his good nature.

God gave me the magical gift of TIME with my brother. Time spent with him in the car, with no cell phone service, where we were forced to talk to each other, to make memories, not knowing then that we were saying goodbye. And He gave me the gift of knowing where Daniel is now, and that I will see him again, and he will have a perfect body, and be able to run and do all those things he was not able to do on earth, all of the things he had to sit and watch the rest of us do.

I thank God for nudging me to make the call, to take the trip. Even though it hurt SO MUCH to lose him that day, I know that God is with him now. And I will see my brother again.

My sister Emily ♥️
She is a wife, a stay at home mom and lawyer who has a love for reading, writing, learning and growing. A self proclaimed empath, she loves deeply and well. She is funny and fun, sincere and silly, a little klutzy but full of grace. She loves days spent with family- laughing, playing, RV-ing, or swimming. You can usually find her curled up somewhere with her nose in a book and a cat on her lap.

ONE ~ A Post on Marriage as We Celebrate 18 Years

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Today my husband and I celebrate 18 years of marriage. Wow. We really were babies when we tied the knot and had no idea what true love was really about. But we have learned over the years and are still learning as we go. It’s not always been perfect (what marriage is?) but I can say it’s been special and neat. Even the hard has taught us of who we are and who God calls us to be.

One day I’d love to elaborate on a few of the hard seasons, so to help others walking a similar journey, but for today I will stick to a light and lovely post. Maybe even a little sappy, but maybe it will encourage you wherever you are in your marriage.

We celebrated this weekend with a night away at our lakehouse, which we needed more than we knew. Since the virus we haven’t had our weekly date nights, and it really does make a difference. We’ve not been as connected, or ONE lately.

I bought him his favorite cake and meant to buy two candles, a 1 and an 8, but forgot. I searched the junk drawer at the lake house and found two candles, both 1’s. I thought, well that’s not going to work...and then I thought again.

Oh yes, it will work and be even more perfect than a 1 and an 8.

“And they shall become one flesh…” Genesis 2:24

ONE. When we marry a person we become one. It’s biblical and beautiful, but difficult to let go of ourselves enough to actually do time and time again. But it’s what a Christian, covenant marriage is about.

However, I can recall times when it felt like we were two VERY different people trying to make it work. Feeling so opposite, as if on different sides, all I could see were our differences.

I remember vividly the day I was hit over the head with this idea of ONENESS in our marriage. I re-postitioned myself to be ONE with him, a unit, a team… and not only my perspective changed drastically, but our marriage did too. And it grew.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

We must remember, we don’t fight against flesh and blood; our spouse is never the enemy. Sin is the enemy and we ALL struggle with it. Things like selfishness, entitlement, high expectations, unforgiveness, etc….get in the way of a thriving marriage.

The enemy is also the enemy and he HATES marriage. He wants us to quit, to give in and give up. He wants us on different teams than our spouses. He doesn’t want us living as ONE, because that is how God calls us to live and that is where the fruitfulness lies.

Our oneness honors God because it reflects His purpose for marriage. Our love for one another does the same because marriage is a picture of the Gospel.

So in your marriage…are you living as ONE? Or has the enemy and/or sin drawn a wedge between the two of you? Are you living separate lives, each going the opposite direction it seems? I encourage you to change your thinking. Think of it as a war – gird your loins, draw those weapons and fight. You and your husband are on the same team. Reposition yourself, encourage him to do the same. Get on the same side of the fence and your fight will be more powerful. Change your mindset to be on the same team, fighting for the same thing- your marriage. And not just a marriage, but a growing, thriving, flourishing marriage. It’s what we all want isn’t it? It’s what the Lord wants for us too. He designed marriage, it’s a good thing between a man and a woman.

This weekend, as we blew out the single candle, we each made a wish (or a prayer is what I like to say). We celebrated 18 years of marriage (21 years of total togetherness) and prayed for many, many more. We thanked God for the blessings over the years, especially in our three children.

I prayed before one meal, he prayed before another. Our prayers and hearts were met with the grace of God. His grace over the last 18 years, His grace for today and His grace for many more years to come. His grace giving us strength, stamina and fight. His grace calling us to pursue one another, cherish one another and truly love one another as He has called us to. To put one another first, our relationship as the priority above any other…which is hard! His work is his baby, our babies are my baby…we are spent all day long and there’s often little left for the other when we cross paths in the evenings. But with prayer and the Spirit’s help, we can learn to love the other more and not just give the left overs.

To end this post I want to share with you THE BEST marriage book I have ever read. The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller.

Kind of cracks me up that this book is ripped down the center- HA!

Go get this book! If your marriage is great, go get it. If you’re hanging on by a thread, go get it. If you’re engaged, dating or even single, this book is highly suggested. I pick it up from time to time to be encouraged and to revisit some amazing quotes. I’ll leave you with a few.

“The reason that marriage is so painful and yet wonderful if because it is a reflection of the Gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once.”

“The Gospel can fill our hearts with God’s love so that you can handle it when your spouse fails to love you as he or she should.”

“Seek to serve one another rather than to be happy, and you will find a new and deeper happiness.”

“Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love.”

“Only if you commit yourself to loving in action, day in and day out, even when feelings and circumstances are in flux, can you truly be a free individual and not a pawn of outside forces. Also, only if you maintain your love for someone when it is not thrilling can you said to be actually loving a person.”

“So, if your definition of love stresses affectionate feelings more than unselfish actions, you will cripple your ability to maintain and grow strong love relationships. On the other hand, if you stress the action of love over the feeling, you enhance and establish the feeling. That is one of the secrets of living life, as well as marriage.”

“You can change your heart over the long haul through your actions.”

“No other human being should get more of your love, energy, industry, and commitment than your spouse.”

“A deep experience of the grace of God- a knowledge that you are a sinner saved by grace- will enable the power of truth and love to work together in your marriage.”

“Christ is the only spouse that can truly fulfill us…”

“Christ’s love is the great foundation for building a marriage that sings.”

One more thing Keller points out in this book is the studies that reveal two-thirds of unhappy marriages will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to my husband, Ryan. I love you forever and always.

A Birthday Psalms

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Hi Jesus! It’s my birthday!

Thank you for making me. Thank you for molding me. Thank you for saving me. Once and for all but also every day.

You’ve been rescuing me for years. You’re my refuge and my song. My strength and my love. The One who knows me, gets me and loves me no matter what. The One who fills the gaps in the human heart. The One who lifts my head and heals my wounds.

You have never left me. You’ve always loved me. You have always had a plan and purpose for me.

Through the power of Your Spirit, You equip me. You make me brave. You hear me. You teach me. You forgive me. You make me nice.

Your timing in my life has been perfect. Your faithfulness goes beyond my grasp.

For this year, God, may I trust You even more and know You deeper still. Will you give me holy confidence and Gospel humility?

Help me to think of myself less and think of You and others more. Help me to see You in everything. Help me to know and feel Your strong presence. Help me to share the Gospel as you have called me too. Boldly. Authentically. Lovingly.

Help me look to You for my strength, security, hope and all. I can’t do it on my own.

May I be so sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s prompting and leading. May I be still and learn from you. Grow me. Change me. Sanctify me.

May I reflect Your Son in a world that needs Him.

May I love my children and be nice and loving to them. Teaching them of You by how I live and forgive.

Give me great, deep joy for this journey. No matter what. You hold it all and I can trust You. You have shown me that over my 42 years. You. Are. Trustworthy.

You’re it. You’re all that matters. You’re the reason we live and breathe. You’re our hope. You’re who we long to see. Here and now and also an eternity.

May my family love You and follow You in a way that isn’t normal. May You put a bubble of protection around us and not let it pop! Help us to keep our eyes on You and to love others well. To be generous with what we have. To BD and THJPL. To shine for You by loving others.

Help us to see others in Your light and with the lens of Your grace. Show us where to help. Guide us. Help us to live for You.

Thank you for 42 years today. I pray for many, many more. But. To live is Christ to die is gain!

In Jesus name, amen.

A Mind Filled With Worry Is Not A Sound Mind; A Mother’s Job is Prayer not Worry

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A mind full of worry is not a sound mind. Who wants a sound mind, peace?? I sure do. It is possible if we turn our worries into prayers! Mamas let’s be prayer warriors not worriers!

“Worry weighs a person down.” Proverbs 12:25

“Give all your worries to God.” 1 Peter 5:7

“The Lord has not given us a spirit of fear [worry] but of power, love and a SOUND MIND.” 1 Timothy 1:7 (emphasis added)

“Do not worry about anything. Instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need. Thank Him for all He has done. Then the peace that passes all will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

These verses empowers us for hard, uncertain times like now. We can always be certain of God. Who He is and what His Word says. He is good!

Turn worries into prayers. When we worry what do we do?? PRAY. A mind full of worries is not a sound mind.

Want to worry less? Pray more.

Know God is in control and is good. Our life and our children’s lives are in His mighty, loving hands.

From worrier to prayer warriors! God can heal us of the disease of worry!!

Father- you long for your children to walk in freedom. Worry is not freedom. I pray you would help us trust in your mighty name and perfect plan in all things but especially with our children. Help us to not worry but if we do help us to stop and humbly ask you for help, hope and healing from worry. You are able! We trust You. May we know You and love you with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength. In Jesus name, amen.

For more on worry:

https://meetmeinthemornings.com/2014/04/03/on-worry/

https://meetmeinthemornings.com/2018/12/19/power-washing-worry-and-thjpl-video-blog/

To Daniel My Brother (1977-2006)

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Today is my brothers birthday! While he is in the most glorious place ever (Heaven) we celebrate him and miss him dearly. I’m so grateful for him and I admire my mom and dad so much as they have endured and carried on- of that he would have wanted them to.

I wish everyone had a chance to meet Daniel.

My Mom wrote this poem for Daniel on November 15, 1993. He was 16 at the time. We had many more years with him until the Lord took him Home in 2006.

Below are more blog posts to help you know him a little more!

Not much of a chance was he given when born.

His skull was fractured, his little body limp.

Oh! How I mourned!

But I could hold him, and love him.

He surprised us with a spirit so young,

Smiling and eyes full of mischief,

His world had just begun.

We helped him, and we loved him.

Through the croup, asthma, bladder and leg surgeries

He has taken it all in stride.

He is a winner, and a man.

In him we take so much pride.

You are almost grown now.

Sometimes it has been hard, and we are not done.

But we love you and admire you;

And we are proud to call you “Our son.”

Thank you for letting us hold you, and love you.

~Jan Sprott

In his own words: https://meetmeinthemornings.com/2015/10/19/meet-my-brother-in-his-own-words/

In my dad’s words: https://meetmeinthemornings.com/2015/10/15/memories-of-daniel-by-jim-Sprott/

In my words: https://meetmeinthemornings.com/2015/10/26/my-naniel/

https://meetmeinthemornings.com/2016/10/19/10-years-later/

Able to Endure ~ some honesty and FMF writing prompt link up

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So…yesterday our state announced they are pushing back the school start date to the week of Aug 24. We were to go back Aug 13.

I might have cried a little.

School was a light at the end of this Covid tunnel for me. A place where chaos can end and normalcy begin again. A time to “get it together” and for everyone to be on a schedule and routine.

One lie I believe, although there is some truth to it, is that I can’t get anything done with all 3 kids in the house (or anywhere near the house). A statement I read last week by a fellow mom blogger resonated so well with me, “Everything I do gets undone.” Yes. That is it in a nutshell.

I also get easily overwhelmed at all I am to be doing with my children– are they drinking enough water every day? (no) Are they eating a good balanced diet? (not always) Did they take their vitamins today? (maybe) Oops did I even feed them breakfast? (mostly) Did they clean their rooms? (nope) Brush their teeth? (there’s always tomorrow) Get off devices? (nope)

Also, maybe if they aren’t here all the time I won’t feel like I’m failing in so many ways.

AHHH.

It’s just all so much sometimes.  Somedays I feel the pressure more than others and want to find a dark corner in the house and hide. (anyone else!??)

I’ve learned of myself, I’m not as consistently self-disciplined or motivated as I want to be and crave the routine and structure the school year brings. But I’ve also learned that I am looking to something else- school- to help me “get it together” and feel normal and in some sort of control.

All these things I’m craving- calm, joy, peace, control, consistency, normal, etc…can be found only in the Lord and Him working in my heart. Nothing else.

He can and will help me create calm, normal and routine in my own home. He will help me endure when all I want to do is not. He will help me set boundaries that are different with each child and say NO instead of this famous “whatever” I’ve had going on for a few months. He will help me care when I don’t feel like I do. He will help me lower my expectations of myself, this time, this world, my kids and my husband.

He is the One. The Answer, the Help, the Hope I need to endure and persevere no matter when we go back to school.

Father God, forgive me of my many weaknesses but thank You for big spaces for You to move and work in my life and my home. May I look to You and nothing else for calm, consistency, routine…may your Holy Spirit equip me to do as You’ve called Your children to do– endure no matter what. May my yes be yes and my no be no. All things through Your Son, Jesus. In His name I pray, AMEN!

What Would Jesus Do During the COVID 19 Coronavirus Pandemic?

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I walked to my mailbox, surgical gloves on my hands, grabbed the mail and was careful not to let any of it touch my clothing. I brought it inside, laid it on a counter and began sifting through it- imagining every piece contaminated, the small unseen COVID-19 lurking everywhere just waiting for it’s next host.

And then I snapped out of it and thought- what am I doing? Is this really happening? I’m crazy, this is crazy! Oh goodness did I just touch my face!?

Is anybody else here with me on this?

In that moment, I thought, “What would Jesus be doing right now? What would He do during a pandemic like this?”

Would He put on gloves to open His mail? Would he wonder if he washed His hands for 20 full seconds? Would He wipe down every. single. thing that comes into His house? Would He wash His phone with alcohol multiple times of day? Strip all clothing off when He comes in from going anywhere? Would He have shaved His beard and worn a mask? Wait. Would Jesus even be able to contract the virus?

You can see, I’m a gal of many questions and curiosities (I get on my own nerves sometimes, I promise!). And we don’t have time to answer all of them today, mainly because a lot of them are answered with, I don’t know.

BUT! I did realize a couple of things Jesus would be doing during a pandemic and want to encourage us all to do the same during this time. No, we aren’t Jesus; but we have the Holy Spirit’s mighty power inside of us to do more than we can think or imagine with willing, humbled, surrendered souls. Oh, that we would be those souls!

  1. HE WOULD SEEK HIS FATHER AND PRAY:   We see, in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus’ humanity in the emotions displayed before He faced His death that saved believers. I’m grateful that Jesus was 100% God yet 100% man and could relate to our emotions but without sinning. The picture of Him here, greatly troubled, in distress, in extreme anguish and His words to His Father in these verses (Matthew 26:36-56) show me how near He was to us as a human walking the earth. He related to us. He felt. In His darkest moments He sought His Father. And we can too.
    1. Read His Word Daily. There are so many Bible reading plans out there to get you started! Or just start with the book of John- it’s sure to ignite a fire for more of Jesus.
    2. Memorize His Word. Psalms 23 is a great place to start! Search the Psalms and find a few verses that speak to you, print them off and meditate on them, memorizing them with your head and heart.
    3. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. Set aside time each day or once a week to do some major praying and even fasting. Pray while you walk or run. Get on knees and pray… Write down requests, go through your phone list or family members and pray for them. Ask the Lord how you can be His Hands and feet during this time, perhaps with a family member, neighbor or friend? 
  2. HE WOULD HELP OTHERS, HEAL OTHERS, PRAY WITH OTHERS AND TEACH OTHERS
    1. Healthcare Workers: You are in scary but unique positions to be the hands and feet of Jesus. On the front lines, holding peoples hands, caring for them, helping them get better, praying with them, being with them when they are healed either here or in death. YOU ARE BEING JESUS. Keep it up, we are praying for you! Draw your strength from His never ending well of hope, love and grace.
    2. Pray with others–call a friend and pray! Have you ever done it? It’s beautiful, meaningful and God is in the midst even if you can’t be.
    3. Teach children: We have such a unique opportunity with our children right now. I’m reminded of Deuteronomy 6:6-7, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them with you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”  To teach them His Word, We must know His Word and be in it for ourselves. Study it together! One verse a day, one chapter a day, family devotionals or based on their ages, Bible studies for them. We have loved the resources at http://www.notconsumed.com
  3. HE WOULD BE FULL OF ALL THE HOLY SPIRIT OFFERS
    1. Peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control. We cannot have these fruits walking in our flesh, we must die to self, surrender to His grace and giving of these things to our souls. His Word tells us these attributes of Him are available through His Spirit. And He will supply our every need (Philippians 4:19). I don’t know about you, but I am in desperate need of the Holy Spirit these days. I’ve seen all too much of my many bends to everywhere but Him. This is all hard and we need something bigger than ourselves to walk steadfastly to come out of this time better than when we started it.

One final truth about our Lord is He is not a God of chaos or fear (1 Corinthians 14:33, 1 Timothy 1:7). So anytime we are experiencing either, know they are not of Him but can be corrected and calmed by Him. I’ve felt much chaos and fear during this whole pandemic and that is so natural and common to man. The Lord sympathizes with us in our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15) with compassion and holds out His hand to help us. He is calm not chaos; faith not fear. Thank You, Jesus.

So. Not sure if I really answered any of my specific questions, maybe with more research I could come to a better conclusion on Jesus and social distancing, but for now, we can practice these things I listed and grow in Him during this time. We can be, as Jesus was, about His Father’s business (Luke 2:49b) and be renewed, our families can be renewed and flourish in Christ no matter what is going on around us. There’s nothing He wants more for His children.

Love you all,
Sarah

Love Runs Red 2020

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For years, the kids* and I have worn red on Good Friday…here’s why. Hope you will join us! #loverunsred2020

Tomorrow is Good Friday.  The day many, many years ago Jesus Christ sacrificed His perfect, blameless life for our salvation and redemption.  One man, one act, one horrific death for any and all.  It’s hard to comprehend!  I can’t think about that day without recognizing the significance of Christ’s bloodshed on the cross.

We all know what blood is, it’s the red fluid continuously circulating throughout our bodies composed of vital nutrients and transporting them to and from our organs.  It gives us life and without we cannot live…interesting, huh?

“For the life of a creature is in the blood…” Leviticus 17:11

In the Old Testament, God required animal sacrifices for the temporary forgiveness of sins. Can you imagine? I think it’s all I would be doing, sacrificing animals to live in a brief moment of freedom, a temporary time of forgiveness…wow. Just wow. I’m so grateful we live on this side of the cross, this side of the last blood shed for our permanent forgiveness…and then I think of what it cost and I’m overwhelmed and cannot believe I am loved so much– we all are!

“…without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Hebrews 9:22

With blood we have life, without it there is death.  Through Christ’s blood, poured out on the cross, we can truly have life and freedom.  His bloodshed wasn’t a temporary act like an animal sacrifice, but was and is a permanent reminder of our forgiveness of sins.  Of grace being enough; of Christ being enough.

“…and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether things on earth or things in Heaven, by making peace through His blood shed on the cross.” Colossians 1:20

From the beating with the whips, to the crown of thorns, from the holes nailed in his hands and feet suspending Him on the cross, to the final pierce in His side, the weight of the sins, sadness and sufferings of the world were laid upon Him, one man, our Savior, Jesus. With each drop of blood that fell at the foot of the cross, each drop that rolled off of His brow, we are forgiven. We are given grace. Grace undeserved but given anyway. We will continue to struggle with sin and sufferings until we meet our Savior face to face but no more is there a need for blood to be shed, just blood to be remembered and received. Oh THANK YOU JESUS!

Love runs red.  On that dark day years ago and until He returns, His love runs red for each one of us.  Tomorrow we honor Him and remember His sacrifice by wearing red, won’t you join us!?

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished on us.” Ephesians 1:7, 8a (NIV)

 *Not all children will grasp the cross and what wearing red tomorrow truly means, but it’s never too early to start teaching them about the importance of Good Friday, Jesus’ sacrifice for us, sin and Heaven.  Pray for God to give you wisdom in speaking to your children on a level they can better understand.  There are several tools out there that can help, too.  Here are a few of our favorites:

Dress Up, Tea Parties and Colossians 3:12

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We had a tea party yesterday and all dressed up. The boys were super hero’s and my daughter and I put on old bridesmaids and pageant dresses. I couldn’t breathe and they wouldn’t zip on me. Ha!

I didn’t intend for it to be a Bible lesson but it was— we talked about Colossians 3:12 and what is most important to clothe ourselves with. Greater than any costume or dress, it’s most important to put on compassion for others, kindness for one another, humility in our hearts, gentleness in our words and actions, and patience in all we do.

I needed this as much as they did. Hope everyone is doing well ♥️

Verse of the Week for Little (and Big!) Hearts

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Here’s a video on how we do a verse of the week. If you want to do this too, you can tailor it to meet your needs! See below for more options!

As you can see in the video, we do our verse of the week on a dry-erase board in a very central part of the house. If you would rather not mess up the walls, hang the scripture on the fridge or above bathrooms or kitchen sinks. Really anywhere that is frequented would work!

Praying this will help us all to hide God’s Word in our hearts- big and small!

 

Apples and Training Up

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I have always loved apples. Anyone who knows me knows of my love for apples. The other day as I was washing some apples I wondered why I have always loved apples and then I remembered that both of my grandmothers had several apple trees in their back yards. I can remember picking apples with them- eating them whole with peel on (the best part!). Grabbing them from the branches or even finding some good ones still on the ground….

Watch below for more!

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

There is only one right way, God’s way, the way of life. Since it is axiomatic that early training secures lifelong habits, parents must insist on this way, teaching God’s Word and enforcing it with loving discipline consistently throughout the child’s upbringing. -John Mac Arthur The MacArthur Bible Commentary

(axiomatic: UNDENIABLE🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😂)

Ps- I truly believe training up children begins at home but never want to minimize the impact church and church activities at a Bible-believing, Bible-teaching church can have on a child. Remember what my first full sentence was? “My go church all night!” Church involvement and attendance is so incredibly important to supplement what we teach, model and value at home ♥️

 

 

Summers on Purpose ~ MOMS

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All three kids were already awake when I finally quit hitting snooze. UGH. Rolling my eyes, I took in a deep disgruntled breath, threw the covers off, and immediately started barking orders at everyone. There was snapping, yelling and maybe some gnashing of teeth, you know what I’m talking about right? UGH. We rushed around and made it to school on time, I think, but I felt so defeated because my day didn’t start as I intended it to, nor had I acted the way I desire to act as a mom.

The baby and I came home after doing the carpool/drop-off thing and my attitude was still so awful. I made more coffee and got the baby situated, hoping he wouldn’t get into anything for just a bit while mommy tried to get it together. I’d been too rushed and irritated in the chaos to take two seconds to pray and ask the Lord for help, so right there, in my pantry I got on my knees and prayed.

With the baby playing around me, my face was on the ground in desperate need of the Lord’s help and forgiveness when I realized my hands, initially in the prayer position, had moved onto my face, covering my nose and mouth like an oxygen mask.
I’d already been thinking so much about the upcoming summer and the importance of my morning heart, soul and head being in tune with the Lord first so I can love and enjoy the craziness that summer often brings…
And there my hands were, as an oxygen mask breathing in His grace, breathing out myself. Emptying me of myself and letting Him fill me. Words spoken to the Heavens with each breath out, His love and grace returning with each breath in. My soul was immediately quieted and calm. Goodness His peace is beautiful and so needed in my life.

This whole scenario reminded me that I’ve got to take care of myself first, oxygen mask on myself first, before I can be the mama Christ has called me to be. This “self-care” that pours into everything else that I do comes from a place of complete surrender and dependence on Jesus to grant me the things I cannot give myself in the chaos of everyday life. Things like self-control, kindness, patience…three things I desperately need to be a good steward of the children God has entrusted me to, along with being a wife, daughter, friend, etc… This O2 mask is of Jesus Christ Himself.

But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

I think of how the O2 mask falls out of the ceiling in an airplane when it is needed, typically only in emergencies, hanging there ready to be grabbed by the person needing it. With Jesus, He’s always hanging there. Right in front of our faces ready to be taken a hold of and put on.

…that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:19

I couldn’t really find a verse about an oxygen mask (ha) or taking care of ourselves first, because the Bible is all about the “I’m Third” mentality–which is awesome ~ Jesus, others, ourselves…but we find several times in Scripture where Jesus withdrew to lonely places and prayed (Luke 5:16).

Quiet moments with God, even a quick surrendering of our wills to Him before our feet hit the floor in the mornings, is the best O2 mask we can ever wear. Because when we are filled with Christ, we will have more grace, love, and patience which means less yelling, reacting and snapping (yes, please!).  When we soak Him in and soak His Words up, we will be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit guiding us in the calm or chaos a day might bring (yes, again, please!).

Mother Teresa said, “to keep a lamp burning we have to keep putting oil in it.” She was so right on that. When we pay attention to our needs we will be better equipped to meet the needs of others. He knows our needs and when we seek Him first and above all else He will give us everything we need (Matt 6:33)…it’s a promise!

Those moments on my pantry floor completely changed my attitude for the entire day. I was more calm, kind and surrendered to the only One who knows my every need before I even ask and is more than happy to supply an overabundance of Himself to my surrendered mama heart.

So, Moms, we can be purposeful this summer by putting the oxygen mask Jesus on ourselves first. To tap into Him daily-momently. In the pantry, in the pool, etc…He’s always there and always willing to help, to fill us so we can pour into others, especially our precious families.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us… Ephesians 3:20

A prayer for us mamas…

Dear Lord, what a mighty blessing and miracle our children are- it’s truly amazing. THANK YOU!  May we mamas, in each moment, praise Your name for allowing us to help mold and influence these little lives.  It can be a daunting task, Lord, but when we seek You first and acknowledge Your control over all and our lack there-of, we allow You to step in and guide us. To use us as instruments of Your grace for our children.  We can’t be the mamas You have called us to be in our own strength, so thank You, for being strong in our weaknesses. I am so weak so often, forgive me. But help me to point them to You even in my sin, weaknesses and apologizes.  Help us to lean into You and not ourselves when those hard mama moments come, no matter how many.  Fill us, Lord, so we can fill our homes with Your love, grace and truth. May we dive into You and Your word in new ways this summer. May this be a summer on Purpose for us and our kids all for Your name. Amen!

My Naniel

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Wow, it’s hard to know where to even start when talking about my brother, Daniel. He was all I ever knew; he was 13 months old when I was born (bless my mama, we were like twins). One of my favorite pictures is of us in a crib, it captures me screaming at the top of my lungs with Daniel wide-eyed, scared to death. He didn’t know what he was getting when he got me for a little sister! I kind of think he liked me, though, we were like best friends growing up.  I looked up to him and loved him unconditionally; I called him Naniel. Probably more like a brother to him in those earlier years, he was my hero and I remember wanting to be just like him. He would always put me up to something and of course I would do it, get caught and we would both get in trouble. He was mischievous with a humor and wit that would make everyone laugh.

I never knew anything was different about him. When we would be in public though, other people would stare at him. I was his protector, as siblings are, and I did not like the looks and stares he got because his legs looked different. I know there were times he held me back because I wanted to hurt someone for looking at him the way they did. I just wanted to protect him. He, however, took it all in stride, I rarely saw it get to him. In hindsight, the children just didn’t know better…maybe the adults didn’t either, but it still hurt me every time…but not my Naniel.  He held his head high and I can even remember him making crazy silly/scary faces at people to get them to stop. Ha. Never a dull moment, and if there were, Daniel would make a way to fill it with laughter.

Don’t get me wrong, we were siblings, so would fight, get on each other’s nerves and even hit each other from time to time. As we grew older, Daniel and our little sister, Emily, grew closer, which was neat. They developed a beautiful bond, too.

Mentally, Daniel was fine—sharper than most of us probably, but never did he enjoy school, homework or tests.  His greatest loves were cars, airplanes, fishing and computers to name a few.  His challenges were strictly physical and other than numerous surgeries and hospital visits, he led a fairly typical life.  He played basketball and baseball when he was younger, had a steady job from age 15 on, got his drivers license at 16, but as he grew older, would often prefer his wheelchair or crutches if he had to walk far distances, probably due to the pain or strength it took.

We never discovered exactly what Daniel had, he was just Daniel. My middle child curiosity really wanted to know, but some things are just for God to know and us to trust Him. He doesn’t make mistakes and He certainly didn’t make a mistake when He made my brother.

I hate Daniel lived in pain and went through surgeries and hospital stays, etc…but he was truly amazing and secure in who God made him to be (something I struggled with myself for years). He never tried to be anyone else; he never tried to mask his disabilities, and never did you hear him complain…never. There was such a gentle, sweet meekness about his spirit with a little sneakiness added in there, too. He certainly had times of rebellion as we all do, driving too fast, wrecking cars, missing curfew, etc… But never was he disciplined differently because of his physical limitations.  I truly admire my parents for their role in Daniel having no self pity or sense of entitlement because he was different.

One thing Daniel did beautifully was look past the outside of people and into their eyes and hearts. He was one of the most accepting people I have ever met. I learned so much from him and I know I wasn’t the only one.

The morning I received the phone call from my parents is one I will never forget. My housekeeper had to pick me up off the floor. Several friends came over to just sit with me while I cried and cried and cried. My mother-in-law drove me to my hometown where, once there, I sat crying in my mom’s lap for hours, wanting to crawl back into her to make the pain go away. Not believing this was really happening. Wanting to wake up from the nightmare, wanting just to die too. Wanting the pain to stop. Wanting my brother back. Wishing I had said more to him and known him better in those last few years. So much more time I could have spent with him, so much more love I could have given him, so much more I could have learned from him.

I remember our pastor coming over to discuss the funeral with us. Dad had picked “It is Well with My Soul” as one of the songs. I was so not OK with that because it was NOT well with my soul, how could we sing such a song!?  But, by the time the funeral came around, I knew the Lord would help me in making it well with my soul, and He has.

We didn’t know how we were going to make it through the visitation and funeral, but my goodness, God carried us in a way we had never experienced.  My dad even did the eulogy, amazingly.  There was not a dry eye in the packed church because everyone who knew Daniel felt the great loss of not only a friend but an outstanding, brave, unique man.

The weekend before Daniel died, he and my sister came to see me.  We had a night to ourselves, just the three of us, and I am forever grateful to God for that night.  God knew what was going to take place later that week and He gave me one last night with my brother.  I remember during the visit, really studying him, his movements, his features.  I sat and watched him do things like I never had before, I even remember Emily and I admiring him while he slept.  Those images are etched in my heart forever and I am so thankful.  I didn’t know it at the time but wow, was that God preparing us or what?  I am so grateful for that night and so grateful for my brother.

We talk of him often and it’s as if our daughter, who was born almost 2 years after Daniel died, has always known who he was.  Her sweet little life brought so much joy and healing to our family.  Our son has Daniel’s dark brown eyes and I love it; I think he resembles him also.  Daniel’s name will be continued in our family by God’s amazing grace and blessing of the baby boy I am now carrying.  He is so faithful to give me a second son, one I can name after my brother.

Years ago Daniel gave my mom some roses for Mother’s Day, she planted them and to this day, even surviving a move to a new yard, that rose bush produces the most beautiful, vibrant roses at the most perfect times.  It’s a reminder of our Daniel but also of God’s faithfulness.

It took a while not to be sad about losing Daniel, but no longer do I mourn, I smile when I think of him.  Of course I miss him and would love one more hug or laugh but I know he is in a better place and I will see him again one day!  I feel so blessed to have been his sister and will forever praise God for my Naniel.

“The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21b

Thank you, Lord, for my irreplaceable, one-of-a-kind brother, Daniel. Thank you for giving him the soul, perseverance and personality that you did. We know you have a plan and purpose for each and every person you create, no matter what they look like to our human eyes. May we take joy in the beauty of your creations, and may we love ourselves and accept ourselves the way you made us uniquely knit in our mother’s wombs. Thank you for 29 years with Daniel, I don’t know who we would be today if you hadn’t given him to us. I thank you for my parents, the only two people you deemed able to properly care for and raise Daniel. I pray for continued peace and joy in their souls until they are reunited with their firstborn. They are amazing and I’m glad you chose them for me, too! I am so grateful we had Daniel for as long as we did and I am extra grateful He is now walking pain free, no crutches or wheelchair, no scars or stares from others, with You. For all eternity. Thank you for his salvation. In Jesus name, Amen.