10 Years Later

img_3249It’s hard to believe my brother Daniel has been gone 10 years.  An entire decade has gone by since we have seen his face, his smile, his hands that I loved…a long time since our ears have heard his laugh or hilarious sense of humor.  When Daniel died in his sleep on October 19, 2006 at 29, I just wanted to die right along with him and didn’t know how I would function without him in this world.  But God is good – great – and has been faithful to carry me and my family to where we are today.

Daniel died on a Thursday which made Thursdays a hard day for quite a while…but God is faithful. Our daughter came into the world a few years after he died on a Thursday.  Three years after that, our first son was born…on a Thursday.  Although our third gift from God came into the world in the early morning hours of a Tuesday, we found out we were pregnant with him on a Thursday (insert the praise hands and heart emojis please).

Reflecting on these last 10 years, I smile.  He knows the plans He has for us and they are good and filled with hope. I am reminded, too, that God is El Roi, the “God who sees.” When Daniel died, God could see the baby boy we would have in 2016, and knew his name would be Daniel. That is so amazing to me!

What God has shown me in all of this is that He is faithful and worthy of my trust.  He is faithful when I’m not, He is faithful when I can’t see; in the darkness, doubts and fears, HE IS FAITHFUL. And this has given me such confidence in seeing His faithfulness in all circumstances of life, big and small, good or bad, past, present and future.  His faithfulness is something we don’t always grasp when we are walking through the fire, but we must not let go of this life-giving truth.  We must hold onto His faithfulness, His never ending hope, no matter what life throws at us.  We can choose to see our circumstances or we can choose to see His faithfulness, in all things.

Last night as I held my baby Daniel, tears of gratitude streamed my face, Jeremiah 29:11 filled my thoughts, and deep joy filled my soul.  Canon in D played overhead and my thoughts drifted back to my brother’s time at our wedding…it was probably one of the best nights of his life.  He danced so much his legs maybe never recovered but he said it was worth it.  And then Twinkle Twinkle Little Star came on…that’s another story in itself but God’s faithfulness was evident, even in the two songs that played as I rocked my baby Daniel last night. 

The journey of healing from the sudden, close loss of my “Naniel” and the journey of my 3 babies I hold here and now are an awesome testimony of God’s faithfulness to me…to us.  And I am so grateful. The details I share and the ones I keep tucked close to my heart are all part of His beautiful plan that never ceases to amaze me.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

“Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens, your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds.” Psalm 36:5

“For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and His faithfulness continues to each generation.”  Psalm 100:5


Hurricane Matthew: A Sign of the Times?


A friend shared a post with me last night about hurricane Matthew possibly being a sign of the end times. It was quite interesting and I don’t know if it’s true, but it did make me think.

As Christians, we know the Lord once walked this earth. And, as we know His Word to be true, we know He will be coming back, we just don’t know when.

After reading this article I had an epiphany of sorts. Maybe it was more of a freak-out moment, but I saw my life, everything in it, mainly the “stuff” and all the things that keep me busy and exhausted and felt a pit growing in my stomach. I thought about the Christmas accent plates and coffee mugs that are currently in my cart on a website and how pointless they really are in the scheme of things. How pointless a lot of what I do is when I think of my Savior returning.

I’m deeply convicted of how comfortable and selfish I have been lately. This conviction has turned into more fuel for my fire to burn for Him. To live for the things that matter. To find the balance between this life full of distractions and walking in the fact that we are getting closer to the end. To no longer be lazy or complacent but proactive in prayer and passionate about sharing Jesus with others. To live each day based on the fact Jesus IS coming back and so many people do not know the hope, love and promises He has to offer.

John the Baptist paved the way for his cousin Jesus. He was the “voice in the wilderness” with hope of the promised Savior. As Christians in this day and age, is it not our job also to pave the way for Christ’s second coming??  To be voices in this wilderness of stuff, busyness, sin and muck???

Our lives are but vapors.  Everything we try so hard to control or attain is fleeting and does not always have eternal purposes.  I think of the Haitians who, once again, have been struck by a catastrophic disaster.  It’s devastating and breaks my heart. I think of the many Americans on the east coast who have left all their belongings to flee from this massive storm…it really puts things into perspective!

This hurricane, this Matthew, whether an end time event or not, is a call to prayer and a place for God to move in our hearts and in our world. People are hurting, people need hope; we all need Jesus.  What a glorious day it will be when He returns, but until then, brothers and sisters in Christ, let’s pave the way and be voices in the wilderness.

“I am the Alpha and the Omega-the beginning and the end,” says the Lord God. “I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come-the Almighty One.” Revelation 1:8

“You must also be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect Him.” Luke 12:40