“My heart pounds in my chest…fear and trembling overwhelm me, and I can’t stop shaking.” Psalm 55:4,5
It started the minute I put my car in park at the doctor’s office. A wave of nausea not associated with the pregnancy but with pure anxiety and panic. I had 30 minutes before my appointment and already couldn’t breathe.
Praying and practicing breathing techniques kept me from throwing up or passing out but the panic overwhelmed me. It wasn’t mental either, but something physical overtaking my body. I realized in hindsight this is normally the week the baby’s heart has stopped beating with previous pregnancies and possibly what brought on the mini panic attack.
At one point my 4 year old put his hand on my leg and said, “Oh Mommy, it’s going to be OK.” Jesus had him say that I just know it (out of the mouths of babes…). I kept praying for peace and for the feelings to stop…finally they did. When I saw a gummy bear-looking image on the monitor with a steadily thumping heart. “Praise Jesus!” I kept saying.
I have the same ultrasound tech each week, and bless her. She’s been in my shoes before and I’m so grateful God gave her to me this pregnancy.
I don’t mean to put so much hope into this tiny baby’s heart, but I do. I know my main hope is in Jesus Christ and His Word but there is so much in this sweet baby growing in my belly, too. And not just for me, but for my whole family. Jesus is the one to complete our souls. This baby is the one to complete our little family.
God’s word tells us over and over not to fear (because it is a huge, natural emotion), but what to do when a physical fear overtakes your body? I realize as I get older I struggle more with anxiety and fear…I don’t like this about myself but I know God can use it and work in it and make me more dependent upon Him.
I go back to the doctor today and I am prepared now for a panic attack but praying I am armed enough spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically for it to stay away.
I know God is good and He is for me and this baby. He knows what He is doing and I cannot forget that in any and all situations.
“Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.” Isaiah 41:10